The Texmex Index
This piece consists of four different restaurant reviews in one article and is divided as such in the original publication.
“Do you want chips with that?”
I hesitate. Why would the Chipotle employee ask me such an obvious question? Her oily, flaxen hair is pulled into a tight ponytail, and she wears dark purple eyeshadow that reminds me of an eggplant that’s not quite ripe. She looks at me and seems confused by my confusion.
“Um… yes?”
She pulls a paper bag from the shelf behind her and places it with my order. I proceed to checkout and realize that the chips were extra. Not wanting to be rude, I pay for my chips and burrito and leave.
Paying for chips at a Tex-Mex joint is like paying for toilet paper in a restroom. It seems like a superfluous transaction, especially when compared to the common business courtesy of always having it available for free.
Sitting in my car in the Chipotle parking lot, I open the paper bag and produce a single epochal chip whose brethren had cost me $1.30 plus tax. I chow down, thinking that for extra money, these chips had better be worth it. They’re not. The taste of lime is overwhelming and not at all the way a chip should taste. It isn’t bad, but it isn’t good enough for $1.30.
My Chipotle experience was the pivotal moment in my journey through the realm of southwestern food. For the first time in my otherwise-innocent existence, I was forced to ask myself: Does the perfect Tex-Mex joint exist?
I decided to find out.
The four eateries to endure my scrutiny were to be Moe’s, Chipotle, Charleston’s Juanita Greenberg’s, and Summerville’s Tijuana Flats.
As a vegetarian, I ordered a tofu burrito from each restaurant. By ordering the same type of burrito, I held each restaurant to the same standard. They were then judged on a scale from one to ten (ten being the best) in five categories: atmosphere, service, chips, queso, and burritos. Once I reached a decision for each category, their scores were averaged together for a final rating. I named my system The Tex-Mex Index.
My journey began with Juanita Greenberg’s, a restaurant in which I had only ever had nachos. Their nachos are phenomenal, so I had high hopes for them.
I sat outside with my family underneath a multicolored light fixture. Across the patio was a painting of the restaurant’s name in the style of urban typography. Oldies played and customers in their mid-twenties sang along. Inside, tall bar stools supported excited, drunken patrons as a cheerful staff buzzed around the premises catering to everyone’s needs. In the bathroom, customers had jotted messages on the walls which seemed to be encouraged by the restaurant. The earthy tones and fun music combined with the modern commodities made for a 9 out of 10 atmosphere rating.
Our waitress arrived and was as friendly as a flea. She was polite and brought our food and drinks out in a timely fashion. I rated the service as an 8 out of 10 only because she forgot the guacamole.
Which brings me to the chips. They were far too salty and overpowered the queso; I can typically eat enough chips to feed a friendly neighborhood in suburbia, but once the queso ran out, I was done. The chips received a rating of 3, their only remediation being the queso.
The queso was cheesy and warm, the way queso should be, but was bland compared to the chips, rendering it a 5 out of 10.
Finally, my tofu burrito arrived. I like for a lot of stuff to be packed into my tortilla, but this one was a simple combination of tofu and sour cream with tomatoes to bring out the flavor along with a mild spicy tinge. There was a perfect cheese-to-tofu ratio. It was a simple but tip-top burrito, earning a rating of 7.
Juanita Greenberg’s attained a final score of 6.4 on the Tex-Mex Index. I was expecting a much better score for the restaurant, but I did order out of my norm and they still scored over 50% of the total available points. All in all, it’s a solid Charleston restaurant for those in the area looking for some grub. Don’t go there for the burritos, though. Their nachos are where it’s at.
Moe’s was next. The local Moe’s is a hangout situated in a town shopping center. Being a chain restaurant, it doesn’t have much room for atmospheric creativity. However, the look-a-like portraits of dead musicians, the tradition of playing music only by deceased artists, the contemporary fonts on the cups and employee shirts, and the warm colors all work together to create a fun space. The atmosphere received a rating of 8, spectacular for a chain restaurant.
At the food counter, I ordered from a bearded guy who was more than happy to pack my burrito with rice, black beans, tofu, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, cilantro, and onions. Because the servers at Moe’s are the ones preparing the food, I rated them differently than waiters. I judged them on friendliness and efficiency. The Moe’s staff earned a 9 out of 10 with one person making the food and one person manning the register. The small crew on duty was able to quickly get my food and did so happily.
At the table, I cracked open the queso cup as if I was delivering a child that couldn’t come soon enough. I’m a chips-and-queso person. The chips themselves were great. Still warm, they weren’t too salty but still flavorful enough to be delicious without any sort of dip. I gave them an 8 out of 10. The queso at Moe’s isn’t too thick or thin. It’s a little spicy, but not overwhelmingly so. It’s a medley of everything you’d want from queso. I gave it a 9 out of 10. It didn’t earn a perfect score only because I’ve had better.
The burrito was the last to be rated. It was delicious, but it had a decided advantage over Juanita Greenberg’s as I’d been able to select its contents myself. Its score took a blow over the lettuce, which was bitter. The other ingredients redeemed it, but it still affected the taste. I gave it a 7 out of 10.
Overall, Moe’s earned an 8.2 on the Tex-Mex Index. I was genuinely surprised that, as a chain, it scored higher than a local business. However, the Tex-Mex Index doesn’t lie.
I next examined the Moe’s counterpart, Chipotle. The atmosphere was cute. Fun writing graced the cups and hipsters dined with one another. However, the restaurant was painted in off-whites and the wood and metal tables were more industrial than urban chic. Overall, I gave the atmosphere a 6. It wasn’t bad, but it could have been better. The service, unfortunately, was worse. The line, in the same style of Moe’s, was run inefficiently and ordering took a comical amount of time. The employees might as well have been bodyshop workers; they were apathetic and bored. I gave the service a 4 as the employees weren’t friendly and ran the line poorly, but to their credit, they did manage a large amount of customers at once. Next were the chips and queso. The chips themselves got points docked for costing extra, but they were, in fact, delicious. I would argue that they were superior to others in taste. However, they weren’t warm and, to reiterate, they did cost extra, earning a 7 out of 10. The queso then fell under scrutiny. It earned a 0 because it didn’t exist, a detail I failed to locate when preparing the Tex-Mex Index. However, what kind of Tex-Mex place doesn’t have queso? I instead rated their salsa. It was fresh and crisp and complimented the chips nicely. However, the portion was noticeably tiny and not worth the extra money. I gave it a 6. Finally, the burrito was judged. The Chipotle burrito was perhaps the best thus far. The ingredients were fresh and the tofu wasn’t tasteless (which I often encounter as a vegetarian). The spices worked together nicely and the burrito was definitely filling. It was delicious. I gave it a 9 out of 10 (and I’m heavily biased against Chipotle, but for vegetarians, Chipotle is where it’s at). Overall, Chipotle earned a 6.4, which truthfully seems low for the pleasant experience I had.
I concluded my journey at Summerville’s Tijuana Flats. Walking into the restaurant for the first time, I was impressed by the art and warm colors on the walls. However, something seemed off. I soon realized that I felt the decor was better suited for a pizza place than texmex. It earned a 6 (because even though I enjoyed the setting, it felt inappropriate for the business).
Ordering food at Tijuana Flats was different from the other places I visited; one orders at the register and explains the ingredients preferred as the cashier puts the order into the computer. The server then brings out the food. Although the system was confusing (I initially sat down and waited for a server as the set-up indicated I should), the workers were friendly and efficient, earning a score of 9.
My food arrived, and I began with the chips. The chips were salty and room temperature. I felt like I could have bought a bag of them at the grocery store for a better deal. They weren’t bad, though, and scored a 4. They weren’t as uninteresting when married with the queso, however; the nasty taste of the queso—nay, nacho cheese—distracted from the dull chips. The “queso” was yellow and tasted like warm, American cheese. It scored a 3 (the few points earned being the result of the nice way it coupled with the burrito).
The burrito itself was nice. Tijuana Flats made use of yellow rice (which I found to be unique and fun, although not my favorite). The ingredients were fresh, and the restaurant boasted a lack of microwaves and warmers. The only flaw in the burrito was the fact that I ordered it “wet,” meaning I wanted queso with it. I didn’t realize that this would mean that queso would be poured on top of it, meaning I had to eat it with a fork. Fortunately, the queso was nice with the burrito (unlike its unpleasant taste with the chips). The burrito earned a 7, warranting a total score of 6.4.
Final thoughts: Juanita Greenberg’s, Chipotle, and Tijuana Flats are all tied, but their highlights are very different. Disregarding the Tex-Mex Index, I recommend Juanita Greenberg’s for the nachos, Chipotle for the vegetarian options, and Tijuana Flats for the price. Moe’s defeated the other restaurants by 1.8 points due to its positive combination of all scorable elements. As a loyal Moe’s fan, I was actually hoping to discover that another restaurant reigns superior (shake it up, am I right?). However, Moe’s will forever be king (as long as there are no food trucks around).
This piece consists of four different restaurant reviews in one article and is divided as such in the original publication.
“Do you want chips with that?”
I hesitate. Why would the Chipotle employee ask me such an obvious question? Her oily, flaxen hair is pulled into a tight ponytail, and she wears dark purple eyeshadow that reminds me of an eggplant that’s not quite ripe. She looks at me and seems confused by my confusion.
“Um… yes?”
She pulls a paper bag from the shelf behind her and places it with my order. I proceed to checkout and realize that the chips were extra. Not wanting to be rude, I pay for my chips and burrito and leave.
Paying for chips at a Tex-Mex joint is like paying for toilet paper in a restroom. It seems like a superfluous transaction, especially when compared to the common business courtesy of always having it available for free.
Sitting in my car in the Chipotle parking lot, I open the paper bag and produce a single epochal chip whose brethren had cost me $1.30 plus tax. I chow down, thinking that for extra money, these chips had better be worth it. They’re not. The taste of lime is overwhelming and not at all the way a chip should taste. It isn’t bad, but it isn’t good enough for $1.30.
My Chipotle experience was the pivotal moment in my journey through the realm of southwestern food. For the first time in my otherwise-innocent existence, I was forced to ask myself: Does the perfect Tex-Mex joint exist?
I decided to find out.
The four eateries to endure my scrutiny were to be Moe’s, Chipotle, Charleston’s Juanita Greenberg’s, and Summerville’s Tijuana Flats.
As a vegetarian, I ordered a tofu burrito from each restaurant. By ordering the same type of burrito, I held each restaurant to the same standard. They were then judged on a scale from one to ten (ten being the best) in five categories: atmosphere, service, chips, queso, and burritos. Once I reached a decision for each category, their scores were averaged together for a final rating. I named my system The Tex-Mex Index.
My journey began with Juanita Greenberg’s, a restaurant in which I had only ever had nachos. Their nachos are phenomenal, so I had high hopes for them.
I sat outside with my family underneath a multicolored light fixture. Across the patio was a painting of the restaurant’s name in the style of urban typography. Oldies played and customers in their mid-twenties sang along. Inside, tall bar stools supported excited, drunken patrons as a cheerful staff buzzed around the premises catering to everyone’s needs. In the bathroom, customers had jotted messages on the walls which seemed to be encouraged by the restaurant. The earthy tones and fun music combined with the modern commodities made for a 9 out of 10 atmosphere rating.
Our waitress arrived and was as friendly as a flea. She was polite and brought our food and drinks out in a timely fashion. I rated the service as an 8 out of 10 only because she forgot the guacamole.
Which brings me to the chips. They were far too salty and overpowered the queso; I can typically eat enough chips to feed a friendly neighborhood in suburbia, but once the queso ran out, I was done. The chips received a rating of 3, their only remediation being the queso.
The queso was cheesy and warm, the way queso should be, but was bland compared to the chips, rendering it a 5 out of 10.
Finally, my tofu burrito arrived. I like for a lot of stuff to be packed into my tortilla, but this one was a simple combination of tofu and sour cream with tomatoes to bring out the flavor along with a mild spicy tinge. There was a perfect cheese-to-tofu ratio. It was a simple but tip-top burrito, earning a rating of 7.
Juanita Greenberg’s attained a final score of 6.4 on the Tex-Mex Index. I was expecting a much better score for the restaurant, but I did order out of my norm and they still scored over 50% of the total available points. All in all, it’s a solid Charleston restaurant for those in the area looking for some grub. Don’t go there for the burritos, though. Their nachos are where it’s at.
Moe’s was next. The local Moe’s is a hangout situated in a town shopping center. Being a chain restaurant, it doesn’t have much room for atmospheric creativity. However, the look-a-like portraits of dead musicians, the tradition of playing music only by deceased artists, the contemporary fonts on the cups and employee shirts, and the warm colors all work together to create a fun space. The atmosphere received a rating of 8, spectacular for a chain restaurant.
At the food counter, I ordered from a bearded guy who was more than happy to pack my burrito with rice, black beans, tofu, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, cilantro, and onions. Because the servers at Moe’s are the ones preparing the food, I rated them differently than waiters. I judged them on friendliness and efficiency. The Moe’s staff earned a 9 out of 10 with one person making the food and one person manning the register. The small crew on duty was able to quickly get my food and did so happily.
At the table, I cracked open the queso cup as if I was delivering a child that couldn’t come soon enough. I’m a chips-and-queso person. The chips themselves were great. Still warm, they weren’t too salty but still flavorful enough to be delicious without any sort of dip. I gave them an 8 out of 10. The queso at Moe’s isn’t too thick or thin. It’s a little spicy, but not overwhelmingly so. It’s a medley of everything you’d want from queso. I gave it a 9 out of 10. It didn’t earn a perfect score only because I’ve had better.
The burrito was the last to be rated. It was delicious, but it had a decided advantage over Juanita Greenberg’s as I’d been able to select its contents myself. Its score took a blow over the lettuce, which was bitter. The other ingredients redeemed it, but it still affected the taste. I gave it a 7 out of 10.
Overall, Moe’s earned an 8.2 on the Tex-Mex Index. I was genuinely surprised that, as a chain, it scored higher than a local business. However, the Tex-Mex Index doesn’t lie.
I next examined the Moe’s counterpart, Chipotle. The atmosphere was cute. Fun writing graced the cups and hipsters dined with one another. However, the restaurant was painted in off-whites and the wood and metal tables were more industrial than urban chic. Overall, I gave the atmosphere a 6. It wasn’t bad, but it could have been better. The service, unfortunately, was worse. The line, in the same style of Moe’s, was run inefficiently and ordering took a comical amount of time. The employees might as well have been bodyshop workers; they were apathetic and bored. I gave the service a 4 as the employees weren’t friendly and ran the line poorly, but to their credit, they did manage a large amount of customers at once. Next were the chips and queso. The chips themselves got points docked for costing extra, but they were, in fact, delicious. I would argue that they were superior to others in taste. However, they weren’t warm and, to reiterate, they did cost extra, earning a 7 out of 10. The queso then fell under scrutiny. It earned a 0 because it didn’t exist, a detail I failed to locate when preparing the Tex-Mex Index. However, what kind of Tex-Mex place doesn’t have queso? I instead rated their salsa. It was fresh and crisp and complimented the chips nicely. However, the portion was noticeably tiny and not worth the extra money. I gave it a 6. Finally, the burrito was judged. The Chipotle burrito was perhaps the best thus far. The ingredients were fresh and the tofu wasn’t tasteless (which I often encounter as a vegetarian). The spices worked together nicely and the burrito was definitely filling. It was delicious. I gave it a 9 out of 10 (and I’m heavily biased against Chipotle, but for vegetarians, Chipotle is where it’s at). Overall, Chipotle earned a 6.4, which truthfully seems low for the pleasant experience I had.
I concluded my journey at Summerville’s Tijuana Flats. Walking into the restaurant for the first time, I was impressed by the art and warm colors on the walls. However, something seemed off. I soon realized that I felt the decor was better suited for a pizza place than texmex. It earned a 6 (because even though I enjoyed the setting, it felt inappropriate for the business).
Ordering food at Tijuana Flats was different from the other places I visited; one orders at the register and explains the ingredients preferred as the cashier puts the order into the computer. The server then brings out the food. Although the system was confusing (I initially sat down and waited for a server as the set-up indicated I should), the workers were friendly and efficient, earning a score of 9.
My food arrived, and I began with the chips. The chips were salty and room temperature. I felt like I could have bought a bag of them at the grocery store for a better deal. They weren’t bad, though, and scored a 4. They weren’t as uninteresting when married with the queso, however; the nasty taste of the queso—nay, nacho cheese—distracted from the dull chips. The “queso” was yellow and tasted like warm, American cheese. It scored a 3 (the few points earned being the result of the nice way it coupled with the burrito).
The burrito itself was nice. Tijuana Flats made use of yellow rice (which I found to be unique and fun, although not my favorite). The ingredients were fresh, and the restaurant boasted a lack of microwaves and warmers. The only flaw in the burrito was the fact that I ordered it “wet,” meaning I wanted queso with it. I didn’t realize that this would mean that queso would be poured on top of it, meaning I had to eat it with a fork. Fortunately, the queso was nice with the burrito (unlike its unpleasant taste with the chips). The burrito earned a 7, warranting a total score of 6.4.
Final thoughts: Juanita Greenberg’s, Chipotle, and Tijuana Flats are all tied, but their highlights are very different. Disregarding the Tex-Mex Index, I recommend Juanita Greenberg’s for the nachos, Chipotle for the vegetarian options, and Tijuana Flats for the price. Moe’s defeated the other restaurants by 1.8 points due to its positive combination of all scorable elements. As a loyal Moe’s fan, I was actually hoping to discover that another restaurant reigns superior (shake it up, am I right?). However, Moe’s will forever be king (as long as there are no food trucks around).